when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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