party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
