flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
