some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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