i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
this is an emotional support booty call
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
