So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
