about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
