Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
