New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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