you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
