If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
