If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize