Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
