i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
