He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
