dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
