Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is Oprah even human
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize