An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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