no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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