I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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