I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
