It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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