im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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