New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
