I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
