Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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