can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
