omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
