have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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