I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize