Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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