I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize