Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
