its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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