I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have demons in me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
