I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
