Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
