Ambien. No doubt about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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