He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We have started to decorate penises.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
