he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
