we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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