I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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