Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
