you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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