so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize