i think my tv is drunk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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