I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
