i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
