I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
