He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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