I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
