We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found a bag of teeth...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize