u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
