Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish i was in the wii world.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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