my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
