We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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