dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize