So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
