remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
