is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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