i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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