Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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