I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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