You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
