WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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