Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
