butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
