my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize