No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
