She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
