what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
