drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize