I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You smell like stripper and shame
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
