You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
