The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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