Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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