Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
