I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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