I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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