Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love you. Go after that dick
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