Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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