my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
