i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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